Trying to Understand

I said alot of stuff the other day that I deeply regret, but I know I am forgiven, if not by the people I hurt but Jesus. Everything that was said was said in the heat of the momment and has been burried inside for many many years. It needs dealing with properly and this was not the way but I was so angry i needed to let it out somehow.

I need to confront these issues face on, they are the reasoning behind evrything else, but thier too deep and painful to touch. I know God wants to go there and heal them because i continually end up watching tv programmes or hear people speak and it reminds me of my issues and how painful they are…. I just need to find the confidence to be freed from the bondage that they are putting over my life at the momment.

‘Do not be mastered by anything’ is somewhere in the bible, and at the momment I am allowing these things to master my emotions. I have allowed them to master my emotions for near on 13 years. I feel such a hard hearted cow at times, but I know it is because I delibrately turn off my emotions as it saves hurt on my part. God is breaking this but its painful. Very painful.

The pain I have today caused by a massive ulsar is minute