What a whirlwind month…
The past month has been a complete whirlwind of emotions, thoughts and activities. My main issues have laid around the country of my dreams and my subsequent decisions. I still dont have a firm answer, but I think I know what it is in my heart, despite my heart not immediately agreeing.
I just have to keep reminding myself that we must undergo periods of preperation for such things, and this is preperation and I have to oblige - I will reach my goal in the end, Jesus has already promised it to me.
So I know that I really need to be here for a while longer, and I know what I need to do, but now the question lies as to where shall I do it? My life is in Colchester not at another institution. Would I actually manage to cope and survive with none of my support network and friends around me, and the pain of having to struggle through just to see her face again? I dont think I would. I could get a much better degree somewhere else than I could where I am at the moment, but I dont think I am prepared to do that. Whilst this education to some may seem extremly self-centered it is actually world-centered and not for me at all. I could not to do, I have the desire to say no but I know that it is His desire there I will make it mine too. If ARU plans happen then that would be fab, a good degree in the subject I would like from a good institution in that area, and if not then I will go for just the teaching experience and a research degree in business, - at the end of the day its a means to an end. A means to the lives of the children that I want to impact.
Whilst I cant see the path ahead of me and it feels at times as if I am walking in the valley of darkness with this situation I will continue to trust in you Father. The world is in darkness but you cast a light, and I trust that the light will shine on this path. I trust in you because its for you my plans are to develop and evolve. Its not for me anymore Father, I dont want my degree, I dont want any of my education, I want them to have it all, but if that means I have to do this degree and continue studying I will.
I will give my life today if it means that the children of the world are one step closer to having the educatuion that they rightly deserve, I will give it all. EVERYTHING but You.
Everything but you….
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YOU
